As many of the thousands upon millions of my great friends and distant admirers who know me will no doubt confirm, I am the last person in the world who likes to blow their own tuba.

In fact,  I tend to care far more about the welfare of others than I do myself. In my house even the cat takes precedence and I don’t even like cats or indeed possess one.
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However,  people continually tell me I am possibly bordering genius as well as also being an extremely nice ,  genuine , popular, modest, humble and generous person. I only hope that one day you all will reach my levels of spiritual enlightenment.
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As there has been a huge demand for this from the LinkedIn community (plus the known universe as a whole) and I feel that there is a large proportion of the population becoming anxious about when it will appear, worry no more folks , I thought I would finally put you all out of your misery.

Therefore, I am proud to announce that this is my typical daily morning routine, which I label 'My Breakfast Journey of Discovery' :-

I wake up at 3am and meditate by performing Vajrayana Tibetan Monk chants to the calming sounds of a semi-confused aardvark.

I don’t sleep in my bedroom, as I think this is one of worst person-made modern scourges of our society, did cavepeople have bedrooms - no they jolly well didn't. Instead,  I use a purpose built tee pee made out of recycled quinoa and organic tapas fixed onto the top of my roof.  So I doze off each night gazing into the stars and take further enrichment and motivation from the sheer beauty of the night skyline.

At 3:30am I bathe in freezing saltwater laced with Goji berries and a dash of camel dung. I have a period of mindfulness, and reflection - contemplating my day ahead using the rhymical style thought patterns of a traditional Mongolian goat herder psalm.

At 4am I perform a quick 15 mile run around my block before the sun rises, just to sufficiently loosen up my body and spiritual soul for the day (the world is so wonderful and glorious at this time in the morning, as am I). I plan to run a marathon a day on my hands for a full year in the summer in support of my very own cause,  ‘Liam in Need Aid.’   

I then stop off at the local rescue centre, where I adopt an orphaned animal and take it home with me. Hedgehogs especially are really tasty at this time of year.

When I return home, at around 5am I stick knitting needles into my lower abdomen and nether regions. I find that it gives me a sense and understanding of all the pain that there is in the world and encourages me to be pro-active in ending this diabolical suffering for good. Next lent I plan to chop off a finger each day and then once I finally run out of them maybe move onto my toes and possibly a couple of limbs, before surgically removing my organs one-by-one.

Breakfast is at 6am , I generally eat nothing but ethically sourced, locally produced and fully sustainable samphire infused organic gravel nowadays,  washed down with Dandelion and Oolong tea. For purification and cleansing purposes it has twice been through the urinary system of a hog-nosed skunk. Sometimes, if I’m feeling especially naughty, I will treat myself to a cement frittata.

Whilst I’m preparing breakfast I like to listen to the worldly, selfless, spiritually intellectual quotes and wisdoms of the Dalai Lama , Nelson Mandela, Albert Einstein , Joe Wicks, Gemma Collins and suchlike playing in the background.

At 7am I post thoughtful, inspirational and morale boosting messages to my fanbase / subjects on my free* Facebook self-help / support group, wonderfully entitled ‘Liam Loves You So Much Guys’.  

7:05am and It’s finally a bit of ‘me time’ , even I can’t be totally selfless 24/7. I’ve given up music, alcohol, television , books , computers, cinema, radio, board games, newspapers, magazines, sport, hobbies, phones, holidays, fun, Netflix, Ant and Dec and any other forms of entertainment, as I feel that they cause only toxic harm and pollute our society and corrupting the mind. This enables me to spend more time tirelessly working on my various zero carbon footprint, lactose free, organic, gluten tolerant, aloe vera infused,  spaceman I always wanted you to go into space, man (intergalactic Christ) and vegan friendly charity foundations.

So,  my main form of enjoyment comes from jumping up and down in my fully sustainable herb garden, whilst shouting ‘hallelujah and God bless all sentient beings’ on my lemongrass and fennel matt - which is shaped like the head of famed TV AM weather forecaster and fellow philanthropist Wincey Willis.

And that’s little old boring me and my dull morning ritual!

At 8am I feel perfectly prepared and ready to face whatever sky-blue out of the box thinking is required for maintaining my fully methane neutral Virtual Assistant business in conjunction with me possibly saving the world. 

Extreme kudos to you all for reading. 

Do you have any similar morning rituals to me? Feel free to comment below!
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(* a £12.99 a month voluntary contribution is mandatory.)

​​Passion is a word that I don’t use lightly (along with Black Holes and Humpty Dumpty) but I believe that many (if not all) humans have a joyous enthusiasm for something, even if it’s just one solitary pleasure that floats their particular dinghy, above all others.
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It’s a topic that is on their mind regularly, that they would much rather spend their time doing than anything else in an ideal world and if they don’t possess a small fiber of it, then life would mostly be a somewhat miserable affair. It’s that je ne sais quoi of human emotions, it makes your endorphins kick and scream out at you like a box of drunken amputee wombats.
 
Some passions I just don’t (and probably never will) understand.  For instance Formula 1 (watching cars go around in a circle for several hours without hardly ever passing each other , where the guy with the much better / more expensive components (surprise , surprise) usually wins and is consequently declared the world champion.) That’s like (although, admittedly less dull) giving a sprinter a gold medal when he or she or they have been gifted a 50 metre head start on the rest of the field or is transported to the finish line on a magic carpet charged with unicorn dust. It’s mind bogglingly ridiculous, yet curiously accepted by Grand Prix aficionados.
 
Add to this list the unfathomable worship  of  commercialised ‘repeat same recipe and stir just a little, ad nauseam’ ‘artists’ like Sheeran and Adele (why would people be moved by formulaic, contrived elevator music?) and extreme sports such as bungee Jumping from the top of the Grand Canyon….not for me thanks, N-E-X-T…   Neither of these (and many other things, including Horlicks) are my cup of Horlicks.
 
It does , however,  just goes to show that one person’s Dempsey is another one’s Makepeace and life is most definitely a rich tapestry of disparate mindsets.
 
There are some of us who are lucky enough to indulge in their passion as a career (whether it be playing a musical instrument, chasing hurricanes or working in a museum – the possibilities are limitless) and to some extent that applies to me , as my own passion in life nicely combines my core strengths of analysis and problem solving with that of writing creatively. No , it’s not watching ‘Pointless’, it’s all things to do with horse racing.
 
I was introduced to the sport of kings from a very early age in the late 1970s, when all of the family used to sit around the tv on a Saturday afternoon watching the ITV 7 with Brough Scott and Lord Oaksey (eating our Hovis biscuits around the fire – kids these days don’t know they are born etc…). In fact, my Grandad used to put bets on for me at the bookies around the corner from our house at the age of 7, yep seven!
 
It’s less about gambling and winning money (although that is always a nice cherry on top of the trifle.) It intrigues me, because every race is a puzzle / mystery to solve in itself.  I enjoy the many different factors that apply to each mystery (one of them being a no uncertain amount of luck!) but I don’t think people realise how much of an advantage you have over others if you ‘do your homework’ because if you do,  considerable insight can be gained.
 
With the sacred Cheltenham Festival looming on the horizon as I write this, these 4 days are easily my favourites of the year. It’s an extravaganza – a celebration of all things equine and when the first race on the Tuesday afternoon commences,  it encapsulates an atmosphere like no other – the famous ‘Cheltenham roar.’
 
In fact , as a generally grumpy old man, it’s really the only 4 days of the year I get anywhere near excited about (I sometimes even surpass my general 6 out of 10 ‘meh’ persona and have been known to even spring from the settee (and consequently pull a muscle in my back) a couple of times when things get particularly exciting) and the other 360-odd simply build up to this fantastic spectacle.
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But, whatever your personal passion entails (unless of course it’s something evil such as torturing kittens  or Mrs Brown’s Boys)  try to indulge in it all you can, because the ancient proverb ‘life’s too short and it can sure be an arse sometimes’ can be applied today as much as it has ever been.

Okay, so you’ve started up your business on your own (or with colleagues)  ,  working your fingers to the bone. It has gradually got to the point where the mandatory administrational bits and bobs have become an uphill task, almost taking on a life of their own.

You accept that you may need some outside help if you want to fit eating, sleeping and maybe even a bit of family time into your life.  

However, you are not yet at that stage where you are ready to employ an additional someone…  So you have conducted a comprehensive SWOT analysis and  a trusty Virtual Assistant (that you can call upon as and when suits) seems to be the solution to all of your problems.

But where do you start? There are hundreds upon squillions of budding VA’s out there , advertising a myriad of different skills and offerings , it’s easy to feel slightly overwhelmed. Furthermore, it’s so important to you that you have got to get this right as it’s your business, it's your pride and joy, it's your livelihood. In truth , there is no identikit 'sheep dip' formula for VA’s. Just like in real life , or in Cabbage Patch Kid World (showing my age),   every VA is different.
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Logic would dictate you to spend several days compiling a checklist of skills and experience that this special someone needs to possess (just like in the Weird Science film - showing my age - again) e.g. a) Must be able to arrange Zoom meetings, b) Expertise in X and Y packages are essential , z) Vast widget industry knowledge is a pre-requisite etc etc... However, caution should be taken when matching up your specific requirements to said potential VA,  to calculate a total score out of 258…
  
It’s important to remember that you don’t hire a checklist or a computer program , you hire a person. To a large extent I would apply the same rule whenever you employ someone. I can think of countless times in my own career where a candidate has got the job because of their apparent varied technical skillset and experience fitting the precise criteria for the position like a Bradley Walsh on a gameshow. It has subsequently been backed up with a mind-blowing and inspirational interview. Sadly, it has (on occasions) only resulted in abject failure,  simply because in the real world they weren’t the right kind of person for the job in hand, within that particular organisation.

I have 3 important factors to consider when delving into the VA transfer market :-

1. Does the VA have the aptitude and the attitude (the two ‘A’s)? They may not have 10 years experience in your industry processes, but do they relate to what you are trying to achieve, thus they can be up to speed very quickly, without much fuss on what’s required? Gut instinct is undervalued, but is an essential tool when choosing somebody who will represent your business.

2. Beware of any potential selection promising Harry Potter magic and fireworks for a tenner a day. As a (general) rule of thumb, you pay for what you get (Salt Bae may be an exception). Straightforwardness, honesty and integrity are king. If someone offers you the world and it’s lobster combined with, say, a doctorate in astrophysics (“I was the only person who could beat Brian Cox in my Astronomy classes end of week quantum mechanics quiz etc”) thrown in, alarm bells should surely ring. This may force you to conclude ‘this is probably and therefore is too good to be true.’

3. Finally, the most important point to consider. Above everything a VA should be trusted. They will exhibit the care (and the passion) about any task or project that they are performing for your beloved business, as much (or almost as much) as you do, so it’s carried out how it should be. It’s like any relationship – if there is no trust and care, it doesn’t matter how many thousands of software packages that they’ve had first hand experience of. You need to entrust this person to get on with matters which directly effect your business under minimum supervision and not lose sleep worrying about it.

I guarantee that the right person is out there for you,  so you can 'get back' that precious  time. It’s just a case of knowing which stone to turn.

​For businesses, utilising a good Virtual Assistant is comparable to setting up an Alexa in your lounge , using a remote control to operate your tv for the first time or going back even further in history, having two pieces of flint handily lying around the cave storage cupboard in order to cook and unveil your first ever woolly mammoth stew to your hungry family members. You don’t realise how much you need them, until you have them and once you have them you wondered how you had coped without them.
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I hark back to the time when my work colleague first brought my attention to this thing called Facebook   , as your typical late adopter my first words were – ‘this will never catch on , not when we have Friends Reunited’. It’s taken me a good 15 years and plenty of self denial along the way to admit that for once in my life I was wrong. Now uploading copious amounts of pictures of my infamous Sunday roasts for the entire world to see (the Yorkshire puddings get better with every single juxtaposition) and admire has become second nature to me… I still have yet to succumb to Twitter though..

My own desire to assist people can be tracked  right back to its Crackerjack origins. As a kid I spent my Friday evenings witnessing Ed ‘Stewpot’ Stewart overloading contestants with cabbages and Spirographs,  balancing precariously on a small circular podium they couldn’t see (health and safety clearly wasn’t a high up on the priority list back then) and had the strong urge to give them a helping hand, but I wasn’t ever able to do so. Since that very young age I’ve been determined to redress the balance. Thus the career path I have followed has gradually brought me here, writing this blog.

The most precious commodity for any business owner is time. Think of a VA as the office equivalent of a DeLorean, in that it can magically give you back this time by doing the administrational tasks that you don’t need to do yourself – it’s outsourcing at its most straightforward and effective. It can ultimately shape the growth, productivity and direction of your business by enabling you to concentrate on the areas you want to and/or provide you with an improved work / life balance as there are less balls that you need to juggle.

Figures confirm that more and more businesses in the UK are catching on to the huge benefits that an effective VA can bring them. Flexibility, reduced costs, increased efficiency, specialist skills and powers of telekinesis (maybe the last one is a stretch of the imagination – literally…) are just some of the advantages.

I can provide you with that extra hand to keep the cabbage firmly away from that studio floor, and you can help finally rid me of my lifelong Crackerjack frustrations.

​It’s a winner , winner, woolly mammoth for dinner...